Perhaps the most terrifying moment in a father’s life is when his daughter tells him: Daddy, meet the man I am going to marry. What if she made the wrong choice? What if the guy she chose is a real creep??

To observe wedding season, counteract the flood of summer rom coms, and toast Bruno (one of the most cringe-inducing movie personas ever), I’ve gathered 10 characters from cinema and television that you fathers out there would definitely not want your daughters to bring home. It’s therapeutic: After reading this article, you’ll be pleased with just about any guy your daughter decides to marry.

10. Mr. Blonde (Reservoir Dogs, 1992)

Who is he? A psychotic parolee who enjoys an occasional walk on the beach and a killing spree once in a while.

Bottom line: He’s charming and your daughter is crazy about him, but you recognize a glint of insanity in his eyes. You look inside his bag and guess what you find? An ear.

9. Richard Alpert (Lost, 2004)

Who is he? One of the most significant “others” from the mind-boggling TV series Lost. Oh yes, he doesn’t age.

Bottom line: First of all, you should never trust a man who looks much younger than his age. Secondly, a big (huge) age difference between two individuals in a relationship is not a good thing, just ask Anna Nicole Smith’s late husband. And Richard is at least 80 years old. If that’s not enough, he also wears eyeliner.

8. Chewbacca (Star Wars, 1977)

Who is he? Han Solo’s towering furry sidekick. Looks like a giant yak.

Bottom line: He is the ultimate male: he’s very hairy, big and strong, and he doesn’t say much. All of that can also be said in a derogatory sense: He’s way too hairy, so big that if he accidentally falls on you the outcome could be deadly, and he really isn’t much of a conversationalist.

7. Rodney Dangerfield (Doesn’t matter which movie)

Who is he? A comic legend that got no respect. Declared about himself: “I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.”

Bottom line: “Dad, isn’t he great? He’s got a great sense of humor!” “Honey, I’ll admit he’s funny, but his sense of humor is too crude and vulgar for me. I mean, come on: ‘Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.’ That’s disgusting. Other then that, are you blind? I’ve never seen an uglier man.”

6. Dr. Hannibal Lecter (The Silence of the Lambs, 1991)

Who is he? A ferociously intelligent serial killer. Oh, almost forgot, also a cannibal.

Bottom line: “Wow, sweetie, you really hit the jackpot with Hanni, a man who not only knows how to cook, but also loves it! What’s for dinner today Hannibal?” “Liver, fava beans and some nice chianti.”

During dinner: “The liver is fantastic, but you have to tell us, where did you buy this fantastic tofu?” “Oh, that’s not tofu, it’s our neighbor Cindy’s brain.”

5. Jimmy Livingston (Bubble Boy, 2001)

Who is he? A young man born with an immune deficiency, who is forced to spend his life inside a sterile plastic bubble.

Bottom line: This is one son-in-law you know you’re not going to get grandchildren from. But there’s also a positive: he won’t break your daughter’s heart with infidelity.

4. Dexter Morgan (Dexter, 2006)

Who is he? A serial killer who preys only on other serial killers. He works as a blood splatter expert in Miami, giving him a close view of other murderers and their handiwork.

Bottom line: He looks like an ideal son in law: he’s polite, he’s got a decent job, he speaks softly and he’s in good physical shape. It’s a shame he’s got that hobby of killing people with knives and keeping a sample of their blood as a souvenir…

3. Borat Sagdiyev (Borat, 2006)

Who is he? A heavily mustachioed TV host from Kazakhstan who spreads anarchy wherever he goes.

Bottom line: He really likes prostitutes, he sometimes wrestles nude men, he is extremely racist, he carries naked pictures of family members in his wallet and when the mood is right, he puts his feces in a bag and brings it to the dinner table. Plus look at his bow tie, it’s really ugly.

2. Francois Pignon (The Dinner Game, 1998)

Who is he? His name is Francois, and he is an accountant whose favorite hobby is making matchstick models of famous tourist attractions.

Bottom line: If dictionaries had pictures next to each word they would be much longer and heavier. Other then that, his picture would be perfect next to the word “loser.” There comes a time when one should ask one’s daughter: “Look me in the eye and give me an honest answer, is he really the best you can do?”

1. Anton Chigurh (No Country For Old Men, 2007)

Who is he? An amoral psychopath with an absurd haircut and a pressurized weapon that’s used to murder cattle.

Bottom line: It’s not his psychopathic nature and multiple murders I have a problem with, it’s three other things: What kind of a man makes his decisions based on a coin toss? Shame on you! What’s with the haircut, are you trying to look stupid? And worst of all, he’s got no sense of humor.

Search on Jinni for -
Psychopath * Outward Appearance * Loser * Fish Out of Water * Love and Romance * Couple Relations * Parents and Children * Gag * Secret * Marriage * Family Disapproval * Weddings and Preparations * Meet the parents * Wooing * Dating *

Technorati Tags: Bruno, Borat, Sacha Baron Cohen, movies, film, Movie Genome, bachelors, Hollywood

Popularity: 5% [?]