With Inglourious Basterds coming out this week, it’s time to ask: What will Quentin Tarantino’s next project be? Given his penchant for remixing other filmmakers, here are four suggestions / predictions:
4.
It’s time for Tarantino to deal with a TV series. I suggest taking the acclaimed Six Feet Under and tweaking it Quentin-style. One of the bodies arriving at the Fischer funeral home returns to life as a zombie. The zombie starts spreading his zombieness… and now it’s up to David, Claire and Ruth to stop the dangerous zombies. Will Nate come back to life? Will Ruth be eaten? Will Claire make love to a zombie? Only Tarantino knows…
3.
Tarantino is great at revenge movies, and there is nothing like The Bride. In They Shoot Horses, Don’t They? there’s a great recession, not unlike today, and the organizers of a dancing competition take cynical advantage of the fact that people will do absolutely anything for money. Some of the contestants collapse and even die. I say Tarantino should bring these men to justice. Bring Jane Fonda back to center-stage as a vengeful woman. In her killing spree against the people in charge of the competition, Jane uses nothing but hand grenades, taking just a second or two to clean the body parts that got stuck to her face.
2.
With Inglorious Basterds, Tarantino stepped into the domain of Holocaust movies. Although Basterds got mixed reviews at Cannes film festival, it’s no reason to give up on the Holocaust. Make another one, Quentin! Robert Rodriguez is definitely one of the still-active directors who Tarantino appreciates the most. So in Tarantino’s adaptation of Sophie’s Choice, in the powerful scene when Sophie is given the choice by the Nazi soldier - Choose which of your kids lives and which dies - Sophie doesn’t just stand there and cry as her daughter is sent to death. She bends over, takes off her right shoe… and we see that instead of a leg, she actually has a machine gun. (People will say it’s a rip-off of Rodriguez’s Planet Terror, but it will be so cool no one will care.) Sophie shoots the Nazi soldier, retrieves her child, and kills all the other Nazis at the train station.
1.
The hero of Inglorious Basterds is Brad Pitt – a man. Tarantino usually likes his protagonists female, so his next project should be a Reservoir Dogs-type movie, this time with more womanly criminals: Susan Mayer (aka Ms. White), Bree Hodge (aka Ms. Orange), Eddie Britt (aka Ms. Blonde, you know why), Gabrielle Solis (aka Ms. Pink, don’t ask why), and Lynette Scavo (aka Ms. Blue). Bored by the dull suburban lifestyle, these women will try to pull off a jewelry store heist. Watch out for the scene with Ms. Blonde and the policeman. This time it won’t be an ear she’ll be holding in her hand…
District 9, releasing this week, deals with the growing tension between humans and extraterrestrial refugees, held in a South African ghetto.
We suspect that over the years, some aliens, benign and evil, have managed to escape the ghetto. Here are 9 reasons for our concern:
9.
A young, sophisticated but neurotic Jewish alien woos Diane Keaton. But she finds out it’s an extraterrestrial and dumps it.
8.
A horny alien hides in the body of a middle-aged married woman, and tries to abduct an insecure young man.
7.
An alien in a midlife crisis uses a human host in his efforts to expose the hypocrisy of suburban life.
6.
An alien bimbo is sent to scout Earth as a new home for her race. Becoming an idealist, she decides to fight corrupt global corporations that are contaminating her people’s future water resources.
5.
An alien prodigy fights its demons while making a revolutionary breakthrough in the field of mathematics that eventually wins the Noble prize.
4.
A mentally challenged young alien sets out on a cross-country journey. Witnessing historical events, it changes the lives of all those it encounters.
3.
All that stands between Clint Eastwood and the gold is an evil alien.
2.
A woman possessed by an alien becomes a prostitute in order to reproduce.
1.
A husband sends a man to kill his wife. What he doesn’t know is that she is an alien. When it eliminates the killer, things gets messy.
London Bridge is falling down, / Falling down, falling down. / London Bridge is falling down, / My fair lady.
That children’s rhyme expresses every disaster film fan’s dearest wish: To see the famous bridge, along with other famous monuments and buildings, fall down. (Note: The London Bridge has its 178th anniversary this month.)
This weekend’s G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra promises to show something “deliriously fun” (in the words of FilmSchoolRejects) in the field of building destruction. So I’m taking the chance to list my favorite and most anticipated destruction scenes. Because who doesn’t like to pass a hot summer day watching humankind’s greatest achievements destroyed?
10. The Eiffel Tower: G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra (2009)
This probably won’t be the most acclaimed movie of 2009, but my-oh-my, what great monument destruction. Director Stephen Sommers (The Mummy (1999), Van Helsing (2004) and more…) has a reputation to maintain for impressive special effects. And according to the trailer, he did. The Eiffel Tower starts to disintegrate after being hit by a strange green material. It falls apart beautifully, not missing the chance to gracefully destroy one of Paris’s famous bridges on the way down. Fun!
Destruction Level on the Jinni Scale: 9. The bridge is a definite bonus.
A giant meteor hits the earth, causing a great tidal wave to destroy most of the northern hemisphere. The Statue of Liberty collapses, while in the background the still-existing WTC towers also start to fall. And if we thought Lady Liberty somehow managed to survive this (as seen in A.I.), the director clarifies by later showing her head sinking into the dark waters.
In a movie stuffed with great destruction scenes, I’m deliberately choosing to focus on the first and lesser known scene, which involves the destruction of the Hollywood sign… and L.A. generally.
The movie begins with a view over the city, shadowed by several tornadoes. The tornadoes quickly spread and multiply, and one of them destroys the Hollywood sign, literally ripping out the letters one-by-one.
Unfortunately, beginning with destruction of the sign didn’t prevent this movie from self-destruction, Hollywood-style.
One of the greatest monument destruction movies of recent decades, to my taste, is Independence Day. Several monuments and cities are destroyed, and choosing just one scene is no easy task. But eventually, my favorite is when the White House explodes from some sort of laser beam and bursts into flames that also devour a nearby helicopter.
It is also one of the best-known images from the movie and symbolic in many ways…
Destruction Level on the Jinni Scale: 8, only because it’s a bit short.
6. Golden Gate Bridge: Monsters vs. Aliens (2009)
It may seem strange to choose an animated movie for its great monument destruction scene, but Monsters vs. Aliens has a must-see scene involving the Golden Gate Bridge being slowly destroyed by aliens and the monsters that fight them. The bridge itself looks very realistic, almost as if the real thing were crumbling down. The realism is somewhat destroyed by the blue-jelly monster standing atop the bridge…
Destruction Level on the Jinni Scale: 7. It’s animation action after all.
5. Chrysler Building: Armageddon (1998)
A massive meteor shower causing chaos and mayhem in New York’s streets appears in one of the first scenes of the successful Armageddon. One monument in particular is trashed here – the Chrysler Building.
Unlike other movies where buildings simply explode (yawn), here the pinnacle of the building is torn apart, and later crashes and lands pointy end down. Indeed a sight for sore eyes.
We’ve had aliens, meteorites, natural disasters… now how about a nice electric lightning storm? Believe it or not, that is the reason for the destruction of the Coliseum and the rest of Rome in The Core. When lightning hits the center of the Coliseum, it develops into a mini-lightning storm within the building that blows away the entire outer structure.
Destruction Level on the Jinni Scale: 7.
3. Big Ben, Taj Mahal, Mount Rushmore: Mars Attacks (1996)
Mars Attacks is known to most people as Tim Burton’s most disappointing movie, at the box office and with critics.
Personally, I believe this is an underrated B-movie that is just as tacky, stupid and unbelievable as it set out to be.
One thing cannot be denied: The great monument destruction scene, featuring evil aliens carving their faces over Mount. Rushmore, taking pictures near the burning Taj Mahal and bowling with the Easter Island statues.
Destruction Level on the Jinni Scale: 8. Because the scene is fun and campy.
2. The Vatican: 2012 (releasing 11/2009)
Another destruction-bound movie from the favorite director of all disaster film fans: Roland Emmerich. After ruining the world with aliens (Independence Day) monsters (Godzilla) and ecological disasters (The Day After Tomorrow), he now brings us the complete doomsday prophecy, enhanced by floods, fires and earthquakes.
The trailer features rather interesting destruction scenes: the Sistine Chapel’s famous painted ceiling cracks open, while Saint Peter Basilica’s dome rolls on its side, crushing people. Destroying the Statue of Liberty has become pedestrian, but I don’t remember any movie showing Vatican City destroyed.
Destruction Level on the Jinni Scale: 10 for originality.
1. Cities: Aftermath: Population Zero (2008)
This is a slightly different recommendation for disaster movie lovers. This fascinating series by National Geographic depicts what might happen in the world after humankind ceases to exist. Watch buildings collapse not because of external forces like floods, bombs and meteors, but by slowly decay after not being maintained for centuries.
Famous monuments destroyed include: The Eiffel Tower, Hoover Dam, The Statue of Liberty and many more.
Destruction Level on the Jinni Scale: 10.
So what’s your favorite destruction scene? Did I forget anything really good? Let me know in the comments!
