With Inglourious Basterds coming out this week, it’s time to ask: What will Quentin Tarantino’s next project be? Given his penchant for remixing other filmmakers, here are four suggestions / predictions:

4.

It’s time for Tarantino to deal with a TV series. I suggest taking the acclaimed Six Feet Under and tweaking it Quentin-style. One of the bodies arriving at the Fischer funeral home returns to life as a zombie. The zombie starts spreading his zombieness… and now it’s up to David, Claire and Ruth to stop the dangerous zombies. Will Nate come back to life? Will Ruth be eaten? Will Claire make love to a zombie? Only Tarantino knows…

3.

Tarantino is great at revenge movies, and there is nothing like The Bride. In They Shoot Horses, Don’t They? there’s a great recession, not unlike today, and the organizers of a dancing competition take cynical advantage of the fact that people will do absolutely anything for money. Some of the contestants collapse and even die. I say Tarantino should bring these men to justice. Bring Jane Fonda back to center-stage as a vengeful woman. In her killing spree against the people in charge of the competition, Jane uses nothing but hand grenades, taking just a second or two to clean the body parts that got stuck to her face.

2.

With Inglorious Basterds, Tarantino stepped into the domain of Holocaust movies. Although Basterds got mixed reviews at Cannes film festival, it’s no reason to give up on the Holocaust. Make another one, Quentin! Robert Rodriguez is definitely one of the still-active directors who Tarantino appreciates the most. So in Tarantino’s adaptation of Sophie’s Choice, in the powerful scene when Sophie is given the choice by the Nazi soldier - Choose which of your kids lives and which dies - Sophie doesn’t just stand there and cry as her daughter is sent to death. She bends over, takes off her right shoe… and we see that instead of a leg, she actually has a machine gun. (People will say it’s a rip-off of Rodriguez’s Planet Terror, but it will be so cool no one will care.) Sophie shoots the Nazi soldier, retrieves her child, and kills all the other Nazis at the train station.

1.

The hero of Inglorious Basterds is Brad Pitt – a man. Tarantino usually likes his protagonists female, so his next project should be a Reservoir Dogs-type movie, this time with more womanly criminals: Susan Mayer (aka Ms. White), Bree Hodge (aka Ms. Orange), Eddie Britt (aka Ms. Blonde, you know why), Gabrielle Solis (aka Ms. Pink, don’t ask why), and Lynette Scavo (aka Ms. Blue). Bored by the dull suburban lifestyle, these women will try to pull off a jewelry store heist. Watch out for the scene with Ms. Blonde and the policeman. This time it won’t be an ear she’ll be holding in her hand…

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