The quarter-finals stage of the Euro championships is coming to an end today, and three of the four teams have secured their semi-finals appearance: Portugal, Spain and Germany. Later today, England and Italy will battle it out for the final slot. We know which teams won on the field, but I want to give the losers and their fans a second chance (a rematch of sorts) to see if they can hold their heads high and say: “Our movie crushed your movie in this guy’s blog.” I’m sure it can offer comfort to the players who lost on the pitch and to their heartbroken fans, and that’s what I’m here for, to offer solace. But, if one country wins in soccer AND in film, it would provide a final stamp of approval to the superiority of one country over its rival. In soccer you don’t have to play better to win; luck, timing, and sometimes the help of the referee, are crucial factors in winning the coveted European crown. In film, you cannot count on these factors. I don’t think it’s an overstatement to say that this is the most objective and decisive way to determine which people are superior over the other. Here in Jinni we’re all about genes, so I have chosen the films with a gene that best represents the nation and their fans or players. Let the games begin:

Czech Republic (representative gene: Biting) vs. Portugal (representative gene: Stylized)

Firemen’s Ball (1967) vs. Eccentricities of a Blonde-haired Girl (2009)

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The Czechs stung host nation Poland, giving them this attribute. On the other end, whether you love him or hate him (there is no other way) Cristiano Ronaldo’s every move on the pitch is done with a lot of style. Sometimes it comes at the expense of substance, but you can’t argue with his quality. Milos Forman’s last film in his native Czech Republic is a satire on communism and what it has done to his society. The opposing film was made by fellow master of cinema Manoel de Oliveira, known for his very distinct style (but not flashy like Ronaldo’s). The Czechs are able to avenge their sporty loss and take this duel, thanks to Forman’s subtle humor and clever criticism of a decaying society.

Germany (Haunted by the Past) vs. Greece: (Dysfunctional Family)

Das lied in mir (2010) vs. Kynodontas (2009)

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This match-up made me believe, if only for a second, in a higher power. Nobody gave Greece a chance, not before the tournament and definitely not during it. But destiny wanted them in the quarter finals, to confront the nation that holds their future in its hand. Not to dwell too much on tragic historical events, but Germany’s past continues to haunt it, even in the current Euro crisis. Greece’s current economic and political situation make the dysfunctional gene pretty clear. Germany’s film deals with a dark period of history, although it’s not Germany’s past, but Argentina’s. A German swimmer discovers she was actually born in Argentina, during the military dictatorship, and was adopted by German parents. The Greek entry tells a very bizarre story of a man’s quest to isolate his family from the outside world. Greece wins this on-screen battle, thanks to its originality and humor.

Spain (Prestigious Awards) vs. France (Interracial Relations)

All About My Mother (1999) vs. Intouchables (2011)

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The World and European champions from Spain come to this match-up with one of their most important directors, Pedro Almodóvar, and his signature film that won an Oscar, (very) arguably the highest award a film can receive. France, being the most racially diverse team in the competition, is represented by the highest grossing non-English film in history; the true story of a special relationship between a rich quadriplegic man and a poor ex-convict. It is an irresistible film, swaying from over-sentimentality, and making you feel good without feeling bad about it. Almodovar’s film tells the life story of a woman. Sounds simple enough, but nothing is simple when it comes to the Spanish genius. As usual, he crams a plethora of twists and turns, different storylines, and outrageous storyline interconnections. You can say that in this masterpiece he was the most successful at that, and each stream of consciousness weaves in organically with the other, constructing the most complete film of his career. Spain gets the nod, though just like the director, his team seems a bit tired.

England (Inventions and discoveries) vs. Italy (Misfit)

Hysteria (2012) vs. La nostra vita (2010)

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You will not know it by looking at them, but England invented this game. It’s a pity for the English that all those whom they taught this sport to surpassed them. This comedy tells the story of how the vibrator was invented in Victorian England. Italy’s strikers, Antonio Cassano, and especially Mario Balotelli, have been outcasts for most of their careers. They are troublemakers, who are prone to “losing it” on and off the field. The Ghanaian born Balotelli takes these outcast feelings to the extreme, thanks in part to racist fans, but also to his explosive temperament. While Daniele Luchetti’s emotional drama deals with a working class father losing his wife and having to raise his three children alone, we get a glimpse into the lives of immigrants and other social misfits in today’s Italy. The Italian temperament bests the English humor this time. We’ll see what happens on the pitch.

Semi-Finals:

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Spain advances over the Czech Republic to reach the final.

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The Italian misfits beat the dysfunctional Greeks.

Final: Spain’s All About My Mother vs. Italy’s La nostra vita

Winner:

A repeat of the quarter final match from the 2008 Euros where Spain beat the Italians in penalties and went on to the final match to beat Germany. That win symbolized Spain’s character change from loser to real contender. Here too, the Spanish win, also in penalties, to claim the European Cinematic Champion.

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Technorati Tags: Euro Championships, Fireman’s Ball, Eccentricities of a Blonde-haired Girl, Cristiano Ronaldo, Milos Forman, Manoel de Oliveira, Czech Republic, Portugal, Spain, Germany, England, Italy, Das lied in mir, Kynodontas, Greece, France, All About My Mother, Intouchables, Pedro Almodovar, Hysteris, La nostra vita, Antonio Cassano, Mario Balotelli, Daniele Luchetti

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