Life in Retirement (a.k.a The Good Life!)

April 17th, 2013 by Asaf

UDallas-Rome-Image_Message-to-Pope-Benedict-022813

Aaahhh retirement… who amongst us hasn’t thought of that emotional word and all that it possesses? All the possibilities, the ambitions and most of all, all the time in the world (at least until, well…) So anyway, in light of the recent retirement of Pope Benedict XVI and in honor of his birthday (yesterday, 86 years old!) here is our take on the exciting and captivating possibilities of life in retirement. (Please take into consideration that this blog is recommended only for the Pope and people who have retired. But even if you’re not the Pope, and just want to “plan ahead”, you’re more than welcome to stay…)

So starting over in his new life, Pope Benedict would have to get around like we all do. No more Popemobile. Of course he could take a taxi, hop on the bus, or even hitchhike (who wouldn’t wanna give the Pope a ride?) But after all this time surrounded by dozens of people, he’ll probably want some alone time, lone wolves style. So why not get around on a tractor? Kind of like Richard Farnsworth in THE STRAIGHT STORY.

Now, the problem is, especially when traveling far, that the tractor is too slow, and Pope Benedict needs to get really far away if he desires that alone time. So he better get on the road already and do it fast. Maybe not as fast as Anthony Hopkins on his faster-than-a-speeding-bullet motorcycle but still…

THE WORLD’S FASTEST INDIAN

Being a Pope and all, Benedict probably has some crumbling relationships from his past. Some friends he neglected, or family members he left behind, so why not make some stops along the way and pay them a visit? Reach out an reconcile? Of course it might get emotional like in EVERYBODY’S FINE but human relationships always are.

Now it’s time for a real adventure. I wouldn’t know cause I’ve never been a Pope, but I guess he shouldn’t have a problem getting Jack Nicholson’s number and asking him for some advice. After all, Jack played several retired characters in recent years. For example in ABOUT SCHMIDT he plays a widower who lost his wife and embarks on a journey in his Winnebago to his daughter’s wedding.

OK, so Pope Benedict doesn’t have an immediate family, but he can take some more advice from Jack and take a vacation in a nice beach house like Jack did in SOMETHING’S GOTTA GIVE.

Though unlike Jack, the Pope should be careful and watch out for naked ladies running around the house, because the media would probably hunt him down (see what happened to his neighbor Berlusconi). In which case, I recommend that he get on a plane – destination: anywhere. Which is kind of what Morgan Freeman and Jack did in THE BUCKET LIST where they play two terminally ill elderly men who go around the world following their life long dreams.

All these travels and adventures don’t come cheap, and the Pope might run into some financial problems. Just in case that happens, here’s a movie with a talented robot who knows a thing or two about robbery and might help beef up his bank account…

ROBOT AND FRANK

And if the Pope is unfamiliar with all this A.I., he could simply do it the old fashioned way (emphasis on old) just like Paul Newman did in WHERE THE MONEY IS, where he plays an ex criminal in a retirement home who uses the help of a local nurse and her husband to pull off one last job.

After robbing a few banks and armored cars, Pope Benedict could find himself in some real danger. So here are our recommendations for movies with elderly people who defend themselves from dangerous elements, like gangs and teenage criminals:

GRAN TORINO

DEATH WISH

HARRY BROWN

Assuming the worst, if Pope Benedict fails to protect himself, he could wind up getting robbed, find himself down on his luck, and be left with nothing but his beliefs. And when people believe, they buy a lottery ticket. Just like a guy named Ned Devine did in WAKING NED DEVINE. Though in his case, his good luck changed soon thereafter, in this feel good comedy from 1998.

So now that the Pope has his new found wealth, it really is time to rest; to become a slacker. The greatest slackers can be fount in retirement homes. Just sitting there all day, watching TV, eating and getting high on (prescription) drugs. While enjoying the good-life, you might also meet celebrities like Elvis Presley and J.F.K. and get involved in a life risking experience, which is what happened in the critically acclaimed comedy-horror BUBBA HO-TEP starring Bruce Campbell.

And if the retirement home life isn’t his thing, Pope Benedict can always try other unconventional retirement locations, like a few Brits did last year in a place known as THE BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL, where they had some uplifting, touching and bittersweet experiences.

Having Dame Judi Dench crying on his shoulder might be nice, but after a while he might want to change the atmosphere; and what better way to do so than by finding some benign aliens like some elderly folks did in this sentimental fantasy:

COCOON

However, if all Pope Benedict wishes to do is keep being famous, he should do what has-been celebs of all kinds do, and use his connections to do a docu-reality show about himself in his old days. As we can see in this popular sitcom from the 90s, the golden years can be pretty entertaining at times.

THE GOLDEN GIRLS

the-golden-girls

Happy birthday and happy retirement!!

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