A Survival Guide to Black Friday

November 28th, 2013 by Ran

Black Friday is upon us so I hope you completed your self-defense class or at least learned some crowd dispersing technics. Saying ‘shop in moderation’ on Black Friday seems to be as useless as saying ‘drink in moderation’ on Saint Patrick’s Day, but I’ll say it anyway. In the spirit of Monty Python’s upcoming reunion – You’re all individuals!. After this warning, I’ll move to the practical side of preparing you for this fateful day, because, as Louis Pasteur said: “Chance favours the prepared mind”. I have broken down  Black Friday into ten main characteristics and paired each one with a related film or TV show in hopes it will help you make the most of this chaotic day. Shop wisely grasshopper:

1. StoreCashback (2006)

Remember: those who serve you are also people

So obviously most of the Black Friday activity takes place in a store. While I expect your Black Friday experience will be more like The Mist, this film will show you the world of those who serve you – the sales staff.

2. ShoppingConfessions of a Shopaholic (2009)


(An unprepared Black Friday shopper)

If you’re serious with your shopping you’ll confess your vices – are you addicted to gadgets? Is it clothing? Shoes? Tanning? Unload this burden from your soul; you shall be free to confront Black Friday with a clear mind and make the most of your shopping frenzy.

3. ConsumerismExtreme Couponing (2011)

Listen, but discretion is advised…

The ‘grandmasters’ of shopping share their experiences and tips in the world of consumerism. Calling it ‘wise’ shopping is probably an overstatement, and many of the characters profiled on this show do not seem like good role models but these guys do know their shopping.

4. ObsessionHoarders (2009)

…Or this could be your fate

The shopping obsession is one of the main driving forces of Black Friday. Be aware of this obsession, try to control it, or else you’ll end up on this Docu-reality about people addicted to hoarding.

5. Corporate CrimesWal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price (2005)

Knowledge is important

Might this give you pause and make you think before you buy something? Did you ever wonder how you get such cheap prices on seemingly expensive items? You probably don’t want know, but you should.

6. NightlifeNight on Earth (1991)


(Make a connection)

This is for those who are planning on camping in front of the stores at night. Here is a chance for you to see what other people are doing at night. Five cities around the world, five cab drives, five different stories – some funny, other touching, all very human, a chance to see how similar we are.

7. Race against timeThe Rock (1996)


(A good partner is essential)

Pretend that if you don’t complete your shopping by the time the stores close, nuclear missiles will destroy the city you live in. If you, like Nicolas Cage, are not a shopping expert take an old and experienced hand (Sean Connery) to help you in your mission.

8. Chaos and MayhemThe Crazies (2010)


(The average Black Friday Shopper)

People of a peaceful town are turning into lunatics. That is definitely something you should expect to be happening on Black Friday. Don’t trust anyone, nobody is immune to the shopping craze.

9. Master WarriorThe Raid (2011)


(A common interaction between shoppers on Black Friday)

This Friday will probably feel like a raid, and if you want to survive, being a master warrior would certainly help. If not, at least watch one of the best action films of this century.

10. Human NatureDogville (2003)


(Can I get directions to the mall?)

When push comes to shove, human nature is revealed in its extremes. Black Friday is just that time and there’s no one better than the somewhat crazy Lars Von Trier, to show us what we’re made of. In my book this is Lars von Trier’s masterpiece – a truly original and thought provoking film that has no landscape – because it deals with people, with brilliant, if painful, insights into the human psyche.

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