Grudge Matches We Want To SeeDecember 24th, 2013 by Uri
Christmas is just around the corner, and along with it the usual sentimental fare, but there’s also a some much welcomed humor, coming this time in the form of elderly athletes hurting each other, both physically and verbally.
Of course Grudge Match is much more than senior citizens quibbling; it is a clash of two of the most iconic boxers of the silver screen, Sylvester Stallone‘s Rocky and Robert De Niro‘s Jake La Motta (AKA The Raging Bull), so, in this spirit, we’ve come up with some more match ups it would be fun to watch.
Travis Bickle vs. John Rambo
Both the heroes of Taxi Driver and First Blood (De Niro and Stallone, going for another round) are lone wolves, mentally scarred from the Vietnam War who tend to solve their problems through unmitigated violence sprees. a match up of this duo would probably result in the bloodiest, most bleak film ever.
Somewhat of a culture clash between a couple of classic 70′s cops, the “shoot first, ask questions later” attitude of the San Francisco though law enforcer will, in all probability, triumph over the “ask questions first, shoot never” attitude of the New York whistle-blower.
Plus, he’s got way funkier theme music
Two sci-fi modern classics whose reputations are being ruined by a string unnecessary sequels and remakes. What can be better than this couple of rough robots going on a rampage in the ultimate man- machine on machine battle?
Hopefully, it would look better than the 1993 video game…
The Sundance Kid vs. The Good
In the blue corner, being called “The Good” only as relative term, the most successful part of a trio of ruthless gunslingers treasure hunting during the American Civil War in the greatest Spaghetti Western ever.
A confrontation would most likely end in “The Good” double crossing The Sundance Kid, leaving him hanging.
Axel Foley vs. John McClane
A meeting between this pair of 80′s lovable law enforcers can only end in one of two ways: either the Die Hard reluctant hero who always happens to be at the wrong place at the wrong time would shoot the fast talking Beverly Hills Cop or they would become the greatest partners against crimes.
Both are talky and quite sensitive shiny metal companions for the heroes of imaginary escapades. It’s hard to imagine them actually fighting each other, so a match between them would probably end up being a scrabble contest….unless R2D2 would come along and spoil the fun…
Benign Aliens going at each other? Why not? If the suburbs were to become a battle zone between them, we would have to give the edge to E.T. – dodging nosy neighbors is a useful skill, but having a supernatural ability is probably better.
As for the winner, if only for size, seniority and experience, we’ll go with Godzilla (who is also a pretty decent guy, demolished cities notwithstanding)
In a more realistic tone, the outcome of this match up between the Washington DC and Hollywood slick “fixers” very much depends on home court advantage – as long as they’re around the White House, Olivia Price would outsmart Donovan, but in the crimes of the California high society might be too rough for her.
A Christmas showdown between a disguised worn out cynical thief and a resourceful young kid could end either by lots of painful slapstick or by some sort of twisted, humorous alcohol drenched redemption.
Either way, poor Billy Bob Thornton’s health is in peril.
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